Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
