Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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