Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
