You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
