then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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