lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize