she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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