She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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