I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
