just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
