I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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