How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
