I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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