I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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