he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
