Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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