So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
