Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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