I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
