found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize