In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
