what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
