She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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