God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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