dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
