I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize