I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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