I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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