Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
