rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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