Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
