A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
