I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
