after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
