I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
