my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
