Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize