It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
