So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you win again, gameday.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
