you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
