she was so not down for the gang bang
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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