oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
