he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize