I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
