This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
