u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am mentally ready for anal.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
