I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am one with the molecules
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
