that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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