By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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