If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i've created a new STD.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
