this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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