I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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