is your mom at the bar?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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