Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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