Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
