took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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