Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
