he shaved USA in his pubs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
