Where is the hickey?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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