I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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