Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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