I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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