U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
