I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize