Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
