we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
