Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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