is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
