I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
