I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude. I can hear the air.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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