how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
