Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize