i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
