What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
