and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize